Messrs. Adams, Hancock, Jefferson, et al,

Thank you for the gift you gave us on this date more than two centuries ago. It was a great gift for a while, and we’re sorry we didn’t take better care of it. Now we’ve practically ruined it.

Thank you for the example of George Washington, a logical choice for our first commander-in-chief because he’d actually been -- well, a commander. We’re sorry for the lengths that recent presidents have gone to in order to avoid commanding -- let alone serving -- in the military, preferring to stay out of harm’s way before they step up with a generous offer to command those who stay in it.

We’re sorry for the abundance of candidates who, instead of a history of leadership, have only a voting record. We’re sorry they run for office with no other qualifications than a catchphrase or a buzzword. We’re sorry their lies are not self-evident.

We’re sorry those who eventually win the elections, can’t be relied on to serve us faithfully. We’re sorry they prefer to serve special interest groups rather than the people of this nation, that they care more about the contributions of the lobbyists than the consent of the governed. We’re sorry they’ve become hedonistic and selfish, and refuse to acknowledge this when asked. We’re sorry they are cowardly and dishonest, covering their transgressions with lies or silence.

We’re sorry your Declaration has become a forgotten footnote, and today’s date is more about fireworks, beer and hamburgers than about Lives, Fortunes and sacred Honor.

We’re sorry so many of us have chosen to interpret the right to pursue Happiness as a guarantee that we will receive it without working for it (at the expense of those who have).

We’re sorry the Bill of Rights has become twisted beyond recognition.

We’re sorry freedom of religion no longer means freedom from religion, and vice versa.

We’re sorry freedom of speech has become a rallying cry to those who would most strongly suppress what anyone else wants to say.

We’re sorry freedom of press has become an excuse to violate privacy, humiliate public figures and endanger the military.

We’re sorry bearing arms is no longer a right but a necessity, and those who are not well-armed are instead well-harmed.

We’re sorry due process means today’s attorneys are more interested in technicalities than truth.

We’re sorry your checks and balances have turned into unbalanced checks.

We’re sorry we vilify those who would protect us and reward those who would harm us.

We’re sorry today’s students must be paid to stay in school. We’re sorry their teachers make only a fraction of what a drop-out can make by dealing drugs, playing professional sports, and/or entertaining the rest of us.

We’re sorry we’ve become more concerned with what we want than what we need, and common sense has given way to political correctness.

We’re sorry more people would recognize Judge Judy than would recognize Chief Justice John Roberts, more can name their team’s starting line-up than can name their state’s Representatives, and more vote for an American Idol than vote for an American president.

In short, we’re sorry we’ve devolved into a nation of lazy, stupid, spoiled brats who live with their hands out, their eyes down, and their hearts dead. As a result of our neglect, this once-great democratic machine is now owned by China, fueled by Saudi Arabia, and operated by Mexico.

Now that we’ve said we’re sorry, we have one small request. If it’s too late to repair the damage, and the gift you fought so hard to bestow upon us is destroyed in the next four and a half years, could you possibly see your way to giving us just one more chance?

We promise not to screw it up next time.

Respectfully submitted this fourth day of July, 2008, by

Your prodigal sons and bipartisan daughters; your lost sheep; your tired, your poor, your huddled masses; your erstwhile Americans; your progeny -- we the (sorry) people.

Happy Inattentive Day.

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