I recently read an article which gave rise for me to write the following: I can not tell you how many times I have been asked (or Riley has) "Are you hanging out with daddy today?", "Is dad baby-sitting?", "Is mom getting a break?", etc. It would bother me and I would respond telling them he is always with me since I stay home. Dads are more involved with their kids these days, but still not like most moms. I do not think it is biological (as stated in a related article on there) but rather what we learned from our parents and what society has pushed upon us.

Growing up my father was not around a lot. Partly b/c he worked long and hard and partly b/c he had a long commute to work. We did have time on the weekends, but not daily dad/son time. After my mom got sick, he was gone more (working to pay the bills since my mom no longer worked and to keep away from the situation at home). I vowed to be more involved when I had kids. Luckily I met and married a woman who is happy to be the bread winner and thinks that me staying home is great.

There will prob. never be an equality between moms/dads in the childcare area of the family. My wife has feelings of inadequacy about not being around more, not spending enough time with our son, and thinking she should know how to take care of him b/c she is the mom. She bases a lot of her expectations and feelings on her moms role as a SAHM (though she did work outside the home sometimes). My father did not like (and still does not agree with) me being SAHD. He has the old school mentality of the woman staying home and caring for the kids and the man taking care of the family. Some of that is what he saw growing up (though both his parents worked) and from some religious beliefs brought about after my mothers death. Both my parents were working until she got sick. It was a "nice" side effect of her being ill that she was around when we got home from school and was there for us anytime. I guess I feel that my desire to be more involved and care more for my family than my father did came from spending more time with my mother as her illness progressed. The push to "make it big" in the corporate world as the head of the house became less important to me. I still wanted to be successful but knew that I would be fine staying with the kids if it was financially feasible when I got married. Don't get me wrong, I still want to succeed in life, but it is what that means to me that has changed. Gender roles are still being pushed on us whether we like it or not.

I always hate being called Mr. Mom. Friends and strangers have called me that on occasions and that one is not something I can let go. Just b/c I am a man does not mean I an inept at taking care of kids. I had to learn everything just as a mom does. Nobody knows how to take care of a baby w/o having had some experience (yes, even baby-sitting as a little girl or help take care of a sibling is experience a mom draws upon). Just as there is no "handyman gene" that makes every guy know how to fix a car or leaky faucet, there is no "mom gene" that comes encoded with everything there is to know about children.

In our family, I am the primary caregiver of our son. I am home with him, take care of everything for him, know what we are doing and where things are, and am the one to comfort him when he is hurt. When mom is home, she does take on a nurturing role (though it came be a little overbearing at times) but she is the "good" parent. She keeps him up late to play and read books. She ignores or laughs at him when he is being bad. She plays and lets him do as he pleases. I have to lay down the rules, discipline him, set limits, etc. Gone are the days when mom would say "just you wait until dad gets home" ... in our case he would love for mom to get home.

Dads who help out and get involved on a daily basis with their kids lives are increasing in number. There are those "weekend parent" dads who work too much, are gone, or just busy during the week. They spend some time with the kids on the weekend and feel they have contributed in their child's lives and they have. I do not hear many dads saying they are "baby-sitting" the kids when they have to take care of them for a few hours while mom is out, though I am sure there are many who think like that still.

Parenting is an ever changing role and, while things are not 50/50 in that role, I do think the paradigm shift is occurring. I am very happy to see dads have more focus on the family and less on "making it big". I hope by the time my son has children that the "family balance" will be normal.